reblog

My best friend Kendall never ceases to amaze me. And as she is going through an incredibly difficult time in this season of life, I am watching the Lord refine her daily and grow her into a God-fearing woman. This  is something she posted from someone else's blog, but I couldn't help but share....

"I wake up in my own tension daily. Slept through the time I had planned for You and I can hear the accusing one sitting on my shoulder, an inch from me, his voice is like acid, seething yet smooth. It masquerades as truth and yet,

I sit and wait for it. Distorted truth, so tailored, sewn to fit me snug like a straight jacket. Bound, I put my own arms in the sleeves.

'Look at your brokenness.
Look at it. Look at your pieces.
Unlovable.

Look at your situation.
Too many unknowns and fears to move.
You're paralyzed, hopeless.

Look at your emotions.
Too many of them too spread out, most of them wrong.
Some barely exist.

He said you were made for love, did He mean it? He said you were made for Him, did it mean it? Is He really happy with you? How could He be? You've seen yourself.'

And when I am looking at Him, the accuser throws more distractions my way. A blatant attempt to keep me from Him. To keep me closed off and alone.

But my Beloved,
He is King.
And my Beloved, 
His eyes are flames of fire, and if you saw how jealous they are for me,
you could not stand in His presence.
I know His eyes are mine and His heart is for me.
And He took my sin
He took it, along with your twisted words and lies void of hope that you've been screaming at me for twenty something years.
Nothing can keep me from Him,
Not my pain, not your lies, not sickness, nor death, not shame, not my sin, not even my own complacency.
Nothing can keep me from the love of my Father.

Oh Beloved, You are the glue that holds me together. Help me to remember when my eye avert You, when I run, when I quench Your spirit and fall apart, You have not left.
You never leave."

life is good

Well, we're off to a good start. Every fear and anxiety I had coming into this semester has literally dissipated. The moment I got to Jackson, God gave me this overwhelming peace. And also this understanding of His voice saying "This time is not about you. It's all about outpouring and looking for others to invest in. Quit worrying about yourself and let me take care of your provision. Simply open your eyes and heart to the people I am blatantly placing in front of you."

That has changed my attitude and view of everything that's going on around me. I have joy in the Lord that I see echoed in my relationships. I see growth in places that were stagnant last year, or really the entire time I've been at college. I'm becoming so aware of all the ways I've put the Lord on the backburner. There are places in my life that I just shut off to Christ and decided I was capable to manage on my own. But God is teaching me about a holistic approach to relationship with Him. When I view my life as a whole, and recognize that my actions in one area completely affect my walk with Christ, then everything seems more black and white as far as whether or not I choose to follow Christ in every decision. I have not arrived, or gotten this under control... it's simply been a series of "Aha! moments" where the Lord is opening my eyes to the very places I tried to prevent Him from seeing.

I love this semester, the pace of my life as it's beginning to get busy. It's manageable only when surrendered to Christ, but that keeps me running back to Him on the days that I fail to surrender. It's showing me how to trust Him to provide and to only worry about how I can pour out to others. 

I've been blessed already by new friendships and encouragement from the most unexpected places, and I am continually seeing His hand at work in my life. God is good all the time, and all the time God is good!