The last six months have ushered in more change than any other season of my life I can remember. In May, I moved home to Birmingham, graduated college and said goodbye to many sweet friends, then began working at Shades doing college ministry. Within one week I'd gone from student, to graduate, to working fiancé attempting to plan a wedding and navigate ministry.
In June all the pieces of the wedding puzzle slowly came together with showers, decorations, food, and all the millions of details Pinterest could never have prepared me for.
July brought a wedding day that was absolutely flawless thanks to the help of my parents, friends, and many loved ones. The Lord was very gracious to give me a sweet, almost pain-free day after coming down with shingles the day before the wedding. Many, many prayers allowed for a perfect day of marrying my best friend. After the wedding and honeymoon, Ethan and I went instantly to camp with Shades, then came home to jump into married life, work, and a LOT of website design (www.shades.org - a la Ethan Milner!)
August was presented to me from my boss as college ministry's version of "tax season for accountants"… And I can't say he really exaggerated. August brought so many new faces and friends to meet and learn - I contemplated making flashcards of all the new students I was supposed to know. But the Lord began to bless the ministry that I am blessed to be a part of, and the last few months have been a precious time of growing and learning in the Lord.
September and October finally brought a little bit of structure and calm, mixed with the opportunity to invest and disciple girls I love getting to know. The gift of college ministry has been something unexpected. The transparency and willingness of each girl I talk to has not ceased to surprise me. In one conversation I can find out exactly where a student is walking with the Lord, what she is learning or struggling with, and then have the opportunity to share hope in the Gospel -- something not easily done with normal conversations had with strangers. It's a blessing, and the Lord has given much freedom in ministry as I tentatively learn my way.
Throughout the last six months my life has taken on an incredibly different look, almost unrecognizable from where I stood in May, but I love it. The theme of open hands has been woven throughout, and the Lord continues to remind me of his willingness to give. Elisabeth Elliot talks about how it is in God's nature to give… he can no more help giving than he can help loving. This has rung true in my life over and over the last six months as all this change has been trying and hard at times. The Lord has remained so faithful in my life that I can't help but be taken aback by His goodness.
There are so many promises throughout Scripture that paint a beautiful picture of our hands:
Psalm 145:16 "You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing."
John 10:27-30 "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. I and the Father are one."
Isaiah 42:6 "I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you."
64:8 "But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand."
It's easy for me to imagine hands out, fists clinched, and the representation when we won't let go... We close our fists when we like what we have because it seems to be our way of holding tightly to the things we love or like or idolize. But the more I see the Lord's movement in Scripture, the more I've been reminded that the only way we can receive what the Lord has for us is through open hands. He opens his hands and provides protection, provision… He offers grace and goodness, but when our hands are shut tightly we are unable to receive. However, in opening our hands we release our control and express a desire to be filled! And holding the hand of the Lord is the best possible way to fill our tiny fingers… with the eternal glory and security of the only one who will not pass.
This theme has been a hard one to truly understand and live by, but the Lord remains consistent in opening His hands and stretching out His blessing in my life. I thought by letting go of old friends, I would remain empty-handed. However, the Lord has filled my hands with His and reminded me of the people surrounding me who love and care about me. His faithfulness prevails. In letting go of routine and schedule I'd been accustomed to for some time, I thought I would struggle to fill my hands with a new life - in marriage, work, moving… But the Lord keeps saying, look at my plans! Look at how I wish to further the kingdom -- open your hands and be filled!
The beauty of the Lord is his faithfulness and provision in just being Himself. He satisfies any need, demands glory in His righteousness, and calls us to live in abundance with Him when we let go of what we once held so dear. That's the Father I love.
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