2014 came like a bandit. All of a sudden, the sweet year that brought me a crazy awesome puppy... a year of marriage complete... a trip to see my best friend in Paris, France... then a trip to Cape Town, South Africa see the woman who has discipled me for years and revealed the character of Christ to me in more ways than I could even know… countless lessons learned about ministry and handling challenges of discipleship… 20 extra pounds from marriage happies and too many sweet teas… the start and finish of seminary (within a two-month span)… the understanding of the word depression… but the grace and joy that comes in walking with the Lord… the joy of watching a heart-friend marry a Christ-seeking man and getting to stand beside her as a beautiful bride... a new friend from California that the Lord seems to have ordained to know and understand my heart… a better appreciation and understanding of why Paul says marriage is a mystery… a weekend with my Louisiana-native, dunkin donut-loving, Christ-seeking dearest friend… a summer of learning about True Love with my sweetest sister in Christ… the first time to go to the beach with my love and spend a birthday weekend with my better half… and oh my goodness I could go on for days.
Overall 2013 taught me that life does not typically turn out the way we would like to imagine. The ideas I had about what marriage would look like as a newly engaged senior in college are comical - but oh am I thankful that this part of the Lord's plan is better (though different) than I imagined. The expectations I had of community and friendship were not met, at least initially, upon moving to Birmingham. Friendships were slow-going and hard. Not because they were unavailable, but because I was uncertain of myself and my role in life and was in a dark season. I would never have asked the Lord for a taste of depression, but through struggling to seek Him in the darkest months of my life, His light and grace and love became real to me in the most sincere way. The times I've been able to share about that season and encourage my sisters in Christ that joy DOES come in the morning make those months/year more worthwhile than I could have asked for. The work of ministry is challenging (!!!) and hard and messy. There are days where I want to hide under the covers and snuggle Lainey rather than meet with a student and confront sin head-on. But the Lord has reminded me of my calling to walk in His direction and path, which sometimes seems impossible. Yet never once has he left me to walk alone.
I would say the word of my year, 2013, has to be Faithfulness. Maybe I didn't see that written in the path I found myself walking upon until now. But oh how faithful our Heavenly Father has been to provide, to protect, to challenge, to teach… to comfort. Like a loving Father does. He's opened His Hands to me to satisfy my every need and want before I even saw them coming. Psalm 145 has been an anthem to my year, particularly this cluster of promise:
"The Lord is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works. The Lord upholds those who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them." Psalm 145:13-19
Today I rejoice in the Lord's faithfulness. I pray that in this year of 2014 I will remember His open hand and how consistent His character proves to be, year after year, day after day. I already see myself feeling overwhelmed with the tasks and amount of work ahead of me in this season. Despite His constant faithfulness, it's so easy to get caught in my checklists and to-do's that I seem to overlook the opportunity for each day to make me look more like Jesus. So I've been challenged lately with these two quotes from Elisabeth Elliot:
"Every task requires faith. All must be recognized and accepted or rejected by faith, believing that the God who orders all things can order and direct your life so that it is not a selfish one lived 'in flowery beds of ease', nor one so cluttered and hectic that the peace of God cannot rule." -Let Me Be a Woman
"Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether… It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. That was the proof of his love… He will not necessarily protect us - not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process." -Passion & Purity
May this year be a refining year. Where I don't shrink back in painful moments but where in the moment of choice I choose to know My Savior more.
