gone baby gone

"New Years Resolutions are just for people who weren't awesome the year before..."

This week we Collins folk had a jump start on the new years resolutions, not because we aren't awesome, but because with any new year there is bound to be some necessary changes. We'll save the diet for next week... This week was time for repainting the kitchen and getting a big girl haircut. See below :)

Kitchen before:

Kitchen after:

Haircut before:

And six inches of hair cut off later:

This next period of my life is about to bring many changes on its own, resolutions aside. I begin my first month of interning with Shades on Sunday! I will be working with the youth ministry all of January, then again for the summer. I've never worked anywhere more than part time, so this 8-5 full time commitment will be quite an adjustment. Starting the 11th I'll be driving once a week to Jackson for a night class, sort of a commuter for a few weeks. Then the spring semester has so many changes in store I cannot even begin to list them.

This next period of my life is going to look very different. It's going to be a phase unlike what I'm used to, not necessarily comfortable. But I know God has SO much in store. The last few weeks it's been easy to backslide into comfort. Being home, with friends and family is natural and normal, so I don't have to try hard to feel at peace. But I am recognizing how quickly I must shed this mentality when all these things are being stripped away slowly to leave me before the Lord, vulnerable and open to His plans and promises. I know that it will be good in the end, but that process doesn't always promise to be easy or fun along the way. I'm trusting, hoping for the best, and ready to see what comes after the refining time is finished and the fruits can be seen from the Lord.

Goin' to the Chapel...

This weekend I went to Little Rock, Arkansas for my big Olivia's wedding. I was lucky enough to be a bridesmaid, and we had such a fun time spending the last few precious hours of being single with sweet Olive. She was stunning, and such a testimony of God's faithfulness to see her journey come to this point with Jon. The wedding was beautiful, such a simple and sweet celebration of the body of Christ as His bride. I made sure to get all the highlights from the weekend:

On Friday morning Ethan and I drove from Clinton to Little Rock at 6 am and barely made it to the hotel in time to get ready for Olivia's bridesmaids luncheon. But I made it, and we were able to have such a relaxing, delicious lunch at this beautiful home. 

All weekend long, Olivia was beautiful. She made it look like it was summer outside with her pretty tan and beautiful smile.

The bridesmaids each got a ring as part of our bridesmaids' gifts. Olivia explained that she has been searching antique stores the last few months for a ring that reminded her of each bridesmaid. This was to represent how we are the bride of Christ and how special that is in her wedding celebration.

The rehearsal went beautifully, and we had such a fun time at rehearsal dinner watching a sweet video of Jon and Olivia's friends "toasting" them before the wedding. I know Ethan and I will both miss our double dates with Jon and Olivia having dinner/desert and movie nights. We're considering taking a trip to Waco to reunite!

I was so thankful to have Ethan there this weekend.. He made medicine runs for me when I wasn't feeling well, waited patiently while I had bridesmaids duties, and carried all of my stuff to the car when I had to be somewhere for pictures or what not. He was such a blessing and so incredibly servant hearted.

The flowers were beautiful, even though Olive didn't even know what they were going to be until she showed up. I loved how simple her sweet wedding was... so "Olivia" to trust all the details to fall into place.

Olivia was absolutely stunning. I couldn't stop taking pictures of her, trying to catch how beautiful she looked. Jon is one lucky husband!

The gown... it was perfect, and looked incredible on Olive. Sweet, skinny little thing..

Good friends and family, we were so glad to share this special day with Olivia.

Typical Olive to wear the party boots on her wedding day. No other shoes would have been apropritate for such a celebration!

I loved this one.. The ceremony was beautiful, I held it together until the end when I was standing by Jon and Olivia, kneeling at the altar and praying over one another. Perfect. Then the reception was so fun, and so simple. I couldn't stop smiling!

They were pretty calm with the cake... not too crazy!

Beautiful family. I was so glad everyone was here for Olive's beautiful day. We had fun!

All the Chi Omegas... We were well represented!

Singing Shades, I almost cried... so cheesy (like Big like Little)

My very favorite person. So grateful for this one.

 The Abernathys...

So good, helping her get her dress all inside.

And the beautiful sunset driving back to Clinton. Perfect ending to a perfect weekend.

Seasons..

My mom has always told me that God brings people in our life for a reason or a season or forever. I didn't understand the significance of that until this season has begun to end. This week has been hard saying goodbye to precious friends that I never want to lose. However, I understand why a season friendship is still a good thing. Sometimes those friends may have to leave for whatever reason... distance, moving, following God's leading, but God can use those season friendships to be the most significant sometimes.

God has given me glimpses into what the body of Christ is meant to be: friends who carry my burdens, share in my hurt, rejoice in my gladness, encourage me when I struggle, catch me when I fall, share their triumphs and allow me to be a part of their growing. They call me out when I am not seeking the things of the Lord. They hold me accountable to truth and guide me back to the Lord when I am searching. They wipe my tears, and laugh in joy with me. These are the precious friendships that the Lord has provided to carry me through this hard season. And although three of those closest, dearest friends will be gone tomorrow and this season is ending, I can rejoice that the Lord has allowed my heart to be encouraged by them. This chapter of my life has been precious, special and created friendships that will forever be close to heart. Saying goodbye for today doesn't mean forgetting about all the yesterdays or even having tomorrows to look forward to.

Soon I will get to stand next to Olivia as a beautiful bride and watch her relationship with Jon become a marriage that God can use to bless others as much as he has blessed me. I will get to hear about Lauren's journey to Botswana and all the lives she has been able to touch through her following God to Go and make disciples. I will continue to be encouraged by Mattie's obedience to follow God even when it's hard and leading her away from a place she was once called. These friendships are ones that are so hard to let go of in a tangible way, but that I know full well the Lord can continue to use even across oceans or states. God has blessed me beyond what I could have imagined through these precious women of the Lord and I am so eager to see what God has in store for the next season of life.

Although this goodbye is sad, and these friends are going to be missed dearly, I know that because I've seen God's provision in my life through them, He has no intention of leaving me to wander now. God's grace has blown me away the last few weeks and I can only imagine what He has in store for me next.

"All I have seen teaches me to trust Him for that I have not seen."

thankful

Things I am thankful for:

God's provision and timing. Being home and resting has been the best medicine for the last crazy two weeks. God knew exactly what a refreshing time this would be.

My new sister-to-be, Tori. Paul proposed today! We were so excited to watch as he told Tori how thankful he was to have her in his life, then sweetly asked her to spend her life with him. Let's not forget the beautiful ring ;) I am so excited to finally have a sister to call my own.

My precious family and my new understanding of why we function the ways that we do. Vessels and flowers, thank you.

Ethan. He's coming home tonight and I am beyond blessed to have had someone patient and gentle enough to bear with me through this crazy season in life. I am so thankful for the clear representation of grace I see in his life toward me in my weaknesses.

My friends. Despite those who will be leaving, I will forever be grateful for the fun, encouragement, the challenges and the good things the Lord has shown me through their willingness and faithfulness to invest in my life. I am blessed more than I can ever explain.

Carrot cake. Mom's dressing. Mammaw's rolls. Milo's. Yummm.

surrender.

How many times must I be reminded to let go?

That letting go is not giving up... not quitting... not losing hope.

Letting go is about relinquishing control over something you really can't take care of on your own.

Surrender.

Giving up your ideas for the better one He has.

Well what a lesson of trust and surrender the Lord has been leading me through lately. God has literally allowed me to be completely broken to pieces, completely forced to relinquish every bit of control I have left in me. And it kinda sucks. But its so good for me I recognize. Recently there has been surprise after surprise, little changes that make a big difference all at once.

With friends, God has literally stripped me of the few people I've let in my life at school. My roommate and best friend will be spending the semester in Botswana, Africa next semester. My big is getting married in December and moving to Waco, Texas. My newest friend that the Lord has placed in my life told me this week that she'll be transferring to Louisiana College in the spring. My other close friend will be student teaching and virtually unable to be the friend next door who can go and do freely. God has begun to close doors in these relationships which is so hard since I am slow to let my walls down to the core of me. And these four women are the ones who have been able to get into my squishy as Mattie calls it.. my inside vulnerabilities, fears and weaknesses. Now that I've let them in, they are all leaving. And although I fully support each one and trust that God is leading them where they must go, it's the realization that my support, my comfort in friendships is going to be practically absent next semester.

I recognize in these situations as well as others that God has been pointing out holes in, that He is teaching me to surrender. To let go of the control that I crave. To relinquish my hold on having everything my own way. And to trust that He truly has my best interest at heart. But my heart and my head aren't on the same page yet. And I cannot pretend that the hurt my heart is feeling isn't outweighing the logical knowledge that God is just refining me in this time. My big Olivia explained that sometimes God wants us to deeply feel the sorrow of brokenness so that we can fully appreciate his restoration and joy.

This is a time of growth that is necessary and good, but the process is always the hardest. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same, its been such an evident truth in my life lately and I know God's grace will give me the strength to get to the joyful side of things, but the journey is about to be long. I'm learning to surrender each day, trusting God in the process, and hoping for the best in the end.

hit me in the face

You know how God has a way of letting someone or something say the truth your heart needs to hear on that day you seem to be struggling with it most? Like when you go to church on Wednesday night and the sermon is so accurate to your life that you are convinced your pastor is a peeping Tom. Or when you have a happenstance conversation with a friend in passing who shares her burdens that oh, how ironic, I'm struggling with today too.


I hate those convictions, but crave that truth God so willingly shares with me. Lately He's been doing that a lot.


My pastor, a few Sundays ago, explained that this happens in our life when truth is preached or spoken. Naturally those things convict our heart because God's truth is consistent, applicable and just speaks to our hearts in almost any situation since the truth is relative to each of us in a specific way. Lately I am having a hard time seeing those closest to me through the lens the Lord sees them, and me. I am quick to carry judgments and standards in my heart in order to protect myself and those around me. This is particularly a struggle when the judgments I carry are poor of my closest friends. And I can be totally aware of it, but not know how to handle it. Well God knew today I needed a slap in the face with the truth Romans 2 provides. Thanks for this:


¹ You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. ² Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. ³ So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? ⁴ Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?
Romans 2:1-4


Tonight I had coffee with my friend and her dad who came to visit for a few days from out of town. In the conversations I've had with her dad, I've always appreciated his insight and wisdom that he offers, as well as the ability he carries to see through the real issue to the heart of my problems. Tonight he shared the devotion he read this morning which he himself had been struggling with. It used this passage and reminded me, ever so gently like a ton of bricks the wrongfulness of my sin. Peeping Tom at his finest... God always uses these instances to humble and bring me to the throne only to be shown that the grace I am withholding, He is lavishly pouring out on me even in my ignorance and sin. Our God, truly, is an awesome God.

GET HER TO BOTSWANA!!

My best friend and roommate Lauren Reeves is going to Botswana, Africa next semester from mid-January to mid-May. She has been before and is so excited to be returning to work with Hands On through the IMB. This is Lauren's heart, she is so mission minded and eager to spread the Gospel. She feels called to vocational missions and can barely wait to get out of America and over to another country! I am so proud of her and the way she is seeking the Lord through her preparation for this trip. I've helped her start up a blog that she will be using to update before and during her trip. She also has set up a PayPal account to help raise funds for the semester. We've also got a tshirt designed if you would be interested in supporting her trip this way. Please visit her blog and help anyway you feel led, especially through prayer as we go to the Lord on her behalf. She's such a warrior for the Gospel and I am blessed to call her my best friend.

this is the tshirt design we have for her trip!

Her blog address is: http://laureninbotswana.blogspot.com

If you don't know Lauren but would like to support, feel free to contact me about a tshirt or any other questions you may have! My email is Rachael894@gmail.com
Thanks friends :)

God teaches

I've recently been introduced to a book that I cannot get enough of. It's called Vessels & Flowers by Sally Pickard and Brenda Dulmage and it's completely transformed my way of thinking about and interacting with others.

The book is a look at why women of God function and behave the way they do. They explain how we are born with a set number of receptors which allow our brain to take in information in different ways, making us an introvert or an extrovert accordingly. This determines our temperament. The temperament demonstrates itself in one of 5 vessels: The Vase, the Basket, the Golden Pouch, the Pitcher and the Velvet Box (in order from most extroverted to most introverted). I am a pitcher.

The way we display our temperament is described through our flowers: the Tulip (leader), Iris (teacher), Rose (perceiver), Orchid (economist), Dogwood (facilitator), Daisy (encourager), and Pansy (comforter). I am a dogwood.

I live with a Pouch/pansy, a Pitcher/tulip, and a Basket/daisy. It has explained SO MUCH! Seriously. It explains why we handle situations differently, how we think about certain problems, how we get our feelings hurt, how we show love, how we feel loved, what we need to feel comfortable and confident.. And on and on. The women explain how vessels of honor are reflective of their creator and are not limited to one vessel or one flower since God can bless you with multiple functions, but it does explain so much about the different qualities you find in the primary vessels and flowers.

If you want to know more, and you should, you can buy the book here: http://www.vesselsandflowers.com/

I've also been encouraged to love others differently once I am able to recognize their needs more readily. By seeing how people interact and respond to situations, we've adopted our own vessels and flowers lingo... its so interesting!

But the most important thing I've learned in this process is that the Lord can consistently teach you through others. The Lord uses people in my life to teach such hard lessons: lessons about letting go, trust, being vulnerable, needing others, and pursuing healthy, God honoring friendships. I feel as if lately God has placed me on the outside of so many situations only to say sit back and watch me move. Watch how I am going to grow these friends of yours up in their faith, and you can't do anything for them but encourage and pray for them in the process as they learn. It's a hard place to be. Part of being a Pitcher is wanting to always control the situation and find the most practical answer. Well, there also lies the most challenging aspect of being a Pitcher: giving God control. And He has faithfully taught me the pros and cons of this over the last few months. I am thankful for the friendships God has placed in my life and grateful to be growing, but its been challenging in so many ways. God is capable of handling not only my problems but everyone else's as well!

long time no blog.

it may be sad that I couldn't remember the web address for my blog, but I blame it on junior year of college meets being GM meets a general lack of desire to spend any free time on the computer besides checking email occasionally. However now that I have such exciting pictures to share of places such as Corn Palace, and Mount Rushmore I thought it was time for an update :)

This past weekend was Fall Break. Which I've decided is so much more enjoyable when there is legit fall weather accompanying the break. Although the last two fall breaks and spring breaks I have spent at home or in various cities in the south, I felt like breaking tradition this year. So I packed up my roomate's car and we took a little road trip to Rapid City, South Dakota. Just me, Lauren, her sister and Allison in one Honda Civic driving 1,200 miles (twice) to spend a few days with La's family in the midwest.

Now what, you may ask, is in South Dakota besides livestock and wheat fields? a LOT. More than you would ever guess! And more than Mount Rushmore (which was by far the highlight and made me so proud to be American I could bust)

We drove half the way, spent the night in Iowa, drove the other half and finally, 28 hours after the original departure time, found our way Lauren's home. Allison caught all the highlights on film, as seen by our excitement for the road sign :)

Here's you chance to be jealous: THE WORLD'S ONLY CORN PALACE, where everything is made of corn and the murals change every few months. We were lucky enough to experience the palace during American Pride month.

I made a new friend at La's house, CC. Shelley--don't be jealous, CC kind of smells bad, but she was my friend since I like petting puppies.

I've recently been reading this book called Vessels and Flowers that my big gave me. It talks about the different personalities of women and how they interact with one another. It's been a huge conversation point in our friend group lately. This trip was so interesting to see how a Golden Pouch (Lauren), and Pitcher (me), and a Vase (Allison) all interact with one another. God was teaching me a lot about genuine acceptance of others and unconditional love.

It was such a blessing to go home with my best friend. I think you can learn so much about watching a person interact in their most natural environment. For Lauren this is definitely her family. It was fun to watch her be completely confident in herself and her surroundings and be encouraged reciprocally by those closest to her.

The majority of our activities were outside, which was nice since the beautiful, crisp fall air was everywhere we went. We hiked, we walked, we toured.. it was the perfect time of year for our visit. South Dakota is beautiful btw.

I was also so glad to have the opportunity to meet Lauren's good friends back home. The Joyal family has become a huge blessing in the Reeves' lives and Kelsey (far right) is the oldest of their three children. We got to go hiking on this beautiful mountain with Kelsey, her boyfriend Eric, and her two brothers Derek and Tyler.

This was one of my favorite parts of the trip: Art Alley. It's a long alley between buildings just covered in art. Grafitti covers the walls and everywhere you look there is this incredible painting of something, someone, some words.. It was kind of sensory overload, but it was so fun and felt surreal like we were on a movie set. Allison was freakin the whole time.

Our last tourist destination before returning was Wall Drug. Where the heck is Wall Drug? you may ask.. Well it's about an hour from Rapid City in Wall, South Dakota and it's about as random as it sounds. There is probably more memorabilia representing Wall Drug than there are actual activities to do. However, it was exciting being that it's like taking Cracker Barrel and turning it into a tourist location: random, eclectic, and makes for some fun finds. 

Another highlight of the trip: Allison being hilarious. This tank top she bought at Wall Drug was like a transformation. Put on the tank: alter ego. Ridiculous and so fun. We found this little town for a bathroom break and couldn't resist Allison being the princess she is to have her diva picture taken :)

God is so good and I was reminded this break of how blessed I am by my friends as well as this beautiful country we call home.

I'M A MOM!!!

What a craaaazy two weeks it has been. But I am proud to say I am now the proud mama of 25 new precious Chi Omega babies. Last Saturday Sept. 4 was BID DAY and after a long, tiring recruitment week, we were able to welcome home 25 new little ones. We had a very interesting rush week... the rules changed a lot and the rushing rate was low... but nevertheless the girls that were supposed to come join us are now proud new members.

Rush was so bittersweet with it being the first of many lasts for our seniors and my good friends. Lauren Surwic (right) joined Chi Omega with my pledge class but was a sophomore transfer from Memphis. Lauren intimidated me from the start... She's bold, confident, vocal, and more than I knew how to handle. I never anticipated her to become one of the most loyal, trustworthy, incredible friends I've ever had in my life.. much less the funniest. I laugh everytime I'm with her and I've learned more from her strength and trust in the Lord than I ever would have expected. This semester being her last fall as a college student is starting to sink in. Watching her grow up to become a woman of the Lord is challenging me in my own faith and it started to kick me in the butt last week as we cried on Pref night.

I'm surrounded by Lauren's up here and it was so fun to share Bid Day with my best friends. This year I was in charge of planning and coordinating everything for Bid Day since I'm the new pledge mom, so I was a tiny bit stressed out... But all week long my Lauren's were willing to do whatever I needed to help me get through, even listen to me cry about the surprise I got in my tshirt boxes.. but we won't go into detail there!

This little friend and roommate of mine also got me through the week and the day. Kendra is my assistant and she was such a blessing to have right next door sharing a bathroom and listening to my last minute thoughts of how to put everything together. Could not have pulled it off without her!

Bid Day was a busy day but so fun. The girls got their bids and came running to the house for cheers and chants and so much excitement I could hardly stand it. We took pictures outside and had fun proudly showing off our new little ones.

my best friends :)

After pictures we had pledge class skits and let the babies introduce themselves and say why they became a Chi Omega. I loved my girls who were already talking about red and yellow running in their veins! After lunch I had my first meeting with the new ones and just welcomed them to Chi Omega. Let me just brag on them for a bit... we have so many precious girls who love the Lord. We have athletes, scholars, dancers, and so many sweet hearts I could bust! We are so lucky!

After our meeting we had a little break and then decided to have some spontaneous sisterhood time with messy games outside.. it was SO FUN!

We played kickball, did messy games, and concluded with a little fountain bath :)

Later that night we had dinner at the house together and let the bigs-to-be and the new ones do speed dating. They got a chance to talk and get to know a few, then we let the seniors play hot seat... it was rather interesting and maybe a little extreme for a first night! ha welcome to chi omega, ladies :)

afterwards we had a Crazy Chi O Sisters Before Misters party.. It was so fun to see the girls deck out in their chi o stuff and just go crazy! We had SUCH a fun day.

Props to all my sweet friends who helped me make it through the week, and Ethan for listening to me breakdown a couple times, and all my mom's encouragement throughout the past couple weeks, and sweet Stacey doing everything and then some... more than I could ever imagine! I could not have made it without everyone's support :)

Now its time to get to know my sweet little ones and truly use the next three months to invest in their lives. I cannot wait!!!!

Rho beta for life.

I get by with a little help from my friends.

precious new roommates.

What a crazy few weeks its been, already! I moved in just over a week ago but I feel like I've been here forever. Rush started as of yesterday, so once we make it through the week I know things will calm down... but I can't help hoping that the semester is not this crazy.

Rush is such an interesting week, a necessary evil, but really I just cannot wait to have my new little babies running around and getting invested in Chi Omega. I've been praying for these girls who are anonymous for months now, so to finally have faces to go with their sweet hearts is going to be such a blessing. I just am praying for good time management and the willingness/ability to be open and available and vulnerable with these girls. What's the point of doing something if you can't share the love of Christ in the process???

I can't wait! It's been such a fun time seeing old friends again and remembering exactly what I love about school, life in Jackson and Chi Omega.

I missed this one.

annnnd these are my roommates, don't worry.

oh and with some help.....

we finished the tshirt quilt!!!!

creating... finally!

I realized something last week that got me down a bit.. that fact that this entire summer I have yet to paint, make, or create ANYTHING. which is weird. and considering my blog is called love laugh & paint, I felt I was slacking on my tri-fold description. So I finally got back to creating!

Ever sense Kristin came to work at Shades I've been promising her a painting to accompany her new office. Her walls were in need of some love, and since she secretly wishes she was a chi o, I decided what would look better in her office than her very own owl! But not just because of chi omega, but because as I thought about her story and her journey from Union to Shades, I realized just how much the Lord has taken care of her and provided for her in this transition. Which made me think of the verse in Matthew:

"Look at the birds of the air; they do now sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" -Matthew 6:26

Our gracious Lord has cared for Kristin through this entire transition, much like He cares for me and you each day. I am so grateful for His provision and how much he cares for us. The owl was just an added bonus!

After my painting excursion, I decided to fulfill my long-term dream of making a tshirt quilt. I've been saving tshirts since high school and planning and plotting to make a quilt so I could get rid of the rest of those three huge garbage bags..... So last night, around 10:30 I began the project. Didn't really know what I was doing but figured I could wing it.

Laid them all out... note the piles and piles in the back... and sewed until about 2:30 am. Got tired so started over this afternoon... Got a little LOT of help from Ging, and finished! Well.. the tshirt part at least!

props to dad for golding up the finished project. and ta-da... we have a quilt! Well, half of a quilt. more to come tomorrow with backing and border :)